It’s a little shameful, but sometimes I feel a spark of joy at seeing slimming teas for sale on the shelves.
Because what is easier than having a cup of tea?
But then reality hits.
If something looks too good to be true, it usually is.
Let’s take a closer look at Closemyer Slimming Green tea. What can it do for you, if anything at all?
What Closemyer Tea claim
On the website the product is described as a health-keeping tea and “according to the tests, the product has a health-keeping function of weight reducing.”
It’s unclear what is meant by this, as health-keeping is not a word in the English language.
The info given comes across as a bad translation: “This tea advocates the consistence of both the slimming course and the body’s natural adjustment course…” Say what?
The ingredients are green tea, honeysuckle, cassia seed, lotus leaf, fiveleaf gynostemma root, hawthorn fruit and honey. In extremely broken English this tea makes some impressive promises:
“This product can significantly reduce subcutaneous fat, waistline and the length of breech without changing the energy, and has no influence on the body’s health.”
“It can be effective on the first day of using it, comprehensively lose weight, and change the obesity constitution.”
They continue that the product is safe, due to consisting of “100% natural herbs without any chemicals” and so effective that you can lose around 2-4kg per month.
What does science say
Let’s continue right where we stopped. In good English this time. It’s a common misconception that something that is natural must be safe.
While we are not stating that it is the case with this product, fact is that ‘natural’ products can also have side effects, or even serious safety concerns.
Many people associate the word ‘chemical’ with something that’s better to avoid, but the truth is that everything in existence is made up of chemicals. Even ‘natural’ things like herbs and fruit – and you.
Tea in general, especially green tea, is healthy, but warning lights start flashing when it comes to slimming teas.
Different types of slimming teas on the market claim to work in different ways. Some say they help you detox. This, by the way, is also a bit of a scam.
Your body is perfectly equipped to rid itself of any toxins it needs to get rid of. Toxins it can’t get rid of, such as actual poison, will make you very sick and no detox product will change a thing about that.
In many cases, slimming teas work on the basis of being a natural diuretic or laxative. The implication of this is that, even if you do shed some kilos, it’s just water weight and you haven’t lost any fat at all.
This laxative effect is not without danger, especially with regular use:
- There is a risk of damage to your gastrointestinal tract. Ultimately the process of peristalsis (the muscle movement that pushes down food) could be affected.
- Laxatives can cause diarrhoea, which in turn robs you of nutrients and causes dehydration.
- Laxatives can disturb your electrolyte balance, causing shortness of breath, confusion, rapid or irregular heartbeat, fever and a rattling sound in the lungs.
What the users say
Reviewers on https://clicks.co.za/ found that the product did help them – however three out of 11 stated that it gave them a runny tummy, and one explicitly stating that this is what caused the lower number on the scale.
Some of Clicks’s reviewers mentioned that the product works, but that they have been following a meal plan along with exercise.
This is a disclaimer that comes with most diet products: to be used in conjunction with a calorie-controlled diet and exercise.
Of course, if you watch what you eat and you exercise, you will see results, even without using a product.
A few people on consumer website www.hellopeter.com were a bit more outspoken about the laxative effects of this tea.
One person complained about not being able to sleep for two days due to symptoms brought on by this tea, such as cramps, flatulence, diarrhoea and dehydration.
These sentiments are echoed in multiple comments, with one person saying “I am very sick, feels like it’s eating me. This tea is painful.”
On a slightly lighter note, South African YouTuber Zuzu Zungu decided to laugh at her own misfortune brought on by this tea, by sharing her experience with her followers.
Her story involves an upset tummy and a public bathroom – which is everyone’s worst nightmare. Listen to her amusing review of Closemyer slimming green tea here:
In terms of reviews, there is little to find online about this product, which seems suspicious. We can however use the information we have to conclude that this is simply not worth it.
Your health is more important than a temporary loss of water weight. Healthy food and exercise is the only way to go. Slimming tea? Forget it. Those who tried have not experienced much joy at all.